Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
