I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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