I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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