You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
