Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
