You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
