You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize