Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize