at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
