so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
