Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
