I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
