my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize