I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
