So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
