Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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