he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
