I want to walk on stilts...naked
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize