There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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