so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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