I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
