Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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