My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
