Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
