Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
