She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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