You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
