I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
