She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
