smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
