im drinking this country out of the recession.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
