We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
