mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
