The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
