Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
