My pussy is not your playground.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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