The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
