walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
