I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
