Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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