Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
