Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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