your room smells of hookers.
And success
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
