I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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