I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
