you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
