An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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