The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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