nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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