Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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