I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
