To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
