Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
do nipples grow back?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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