oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
