I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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