i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
