i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drake has all the answers
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
