i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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