Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
