Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
