i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
