wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
