theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize