Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dick very happy bro
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
