There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pants are for mortals
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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