For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
