so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
