a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
